(Unfortunately, no mustache can redeem this film.)
I tweeted this list already, but I'd like to re-do it here, with the opportunity for some slight expansion.
15. Capote (Bennett Miller, 05) Just so much worse than In Cold Blood (or Infamous, for that matter); also, Philip Seymour Hoffman was ridiculous trying to act short.
14. Munich (Spielberg, 05): besides the worst sex scene in a serious film ever, Kushner's script is confused, not ambivalent, about vengeance. No one seems convinced that they're really having an ethical crisis and not just a bad day—least of all Spielberg. Only bright spot: Mathieu Amalric.
13. Gangs of New York (Scorsese, 02) chemistry between Leonardo DiCaprio and Cameron Diaz was way off; would have preferred Leo and Daniel Day-Lewis getting it on—that would have been an intriguing film.
12. Oldboy (Park, 03) I never understood the excitement; all the revelations at the end were duds and the action was paced poorly, often mistaking mere brutality for energy. Come to think of it, that mistake defined most of the filmic output of the decade.
11. Half Nelson (Fleck, 06) What happens when you make a film about a cynical, directionless protagonist: you get a cynical, directionless film.
(Nice cannon placement; still a terrible film.)
10. Punch-Drunk Love (Anderson, 2002): Why would anyone ever want Adam Sandler to date Emily Watson? She had a better boyfriend in Breaking the Waves.
9. Master & Commander: The Fart Side of the World (Weir, 03) First time I ever rooted for the French in a naval fight.
8. The Departed (Scorsese, 06) 151-min long films based on 97-min source material shouldn't win Oscars for Best Editing. Maybe for Most Editing.
7. AI: Artificial Intelligence (Spielberg, 01) Spielberg's effects and humorlessness siphoned off the humanity and the uncertainty that Kubrick might have given it.
6. Ray (Hackford, 04) Worst biopic of the decade: an extremely crowded field but this one wins hands-down. Parody would have had more pathos.
5. Waltz with Bashir (Folman, 08) You might think extreme arrogance and reflections on the fragility of life wouldn't mix. And you'd be right.
4. Pan's Labyrinth (del Toro, 06) It's sad when the director is more of a child than the girl who's carrying his film. For contrast, Spirit of Beehive.
3. Irréversible (Noé, 02) The experiment with temporality didn't redeem the noxious pointlessness of the film; without its rape-scene sensationalism, what?
2. The Lives of Others (Donnersmarck, 06) This I actually have a full-blown argument for, or rather, against.
(That look expresses how I feel about this decade's output from Clint.)
1. Million Dollar Baby (Eastwood, 04) I didn't like the film, but the placement is more a reflection of a decade's worth of Eastwood's vacuous middlebrow screw-turning; also I blame him, and this film, for Haggis—so consider Crash (Haggis, 05) included in this spot too.